when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
