If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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