I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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