It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
