That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
