I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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