When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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