sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
