so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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