I love having hate sex.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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