Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize