I got chris browned last night
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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