She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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