dude i'm inner monologue high
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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