idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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