im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize