names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
