He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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