He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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