How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
