His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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