You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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