Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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