Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
