If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
