just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
