PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Randomize
