You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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