he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
