"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
