her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
