i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize