Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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