I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
