your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
