I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
