You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
