Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
