Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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