I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
