I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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