KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
