My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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