I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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