I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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