I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
