I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
