i just google imaged poop.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
