Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
