who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You pole danced in your parka.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
