pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
