the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize