i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
