I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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