i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
