Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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