i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
