rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
