i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
