there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
