dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
