All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize