i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
