I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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