Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
