Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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