matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
