it wasn't lemon gatorade
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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