Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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