I am puke
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize