Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
