roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
