It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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